The part of pregnancy that nobody warned me about.

Before becoming pregnant, I never would have imagined that I would feel anything but excitement. How could you not be so excited to grow a little baby and then welcome it into the world? (And hello, baby kicks!)

It’s funny how before you’re pregnant, you can tell yourself that you won’t worry about anything and you’ll enjoy every second. But really, as soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test, that all went out the window. Reality sank in while I began to panic. To be honest, saying I panicked is an understatement. I sat on the stairs, put my head in my hands and had to literally remind myself to breathe. Our poor dog just looked at me like she didn’t know what was wrong and had no idea how to help me. You can tell yourself how you’re going to react when you find something like this out, but that can change the second that it actually becomes your reality. The moment that you comprehend how much your life will change and what exactly is going on, on the inside and the outside, is terrifying.

Of course, you do start to feel slightly different after it sinks in. Suddenly, you have these instincts you never had before and your main focus becomes the life growing inside of you. Excitement takes over the majority of whatever fears you may have had and things eventually get back to {somewhat} normal as you spend your time looking forward to the next time you can hear your baby’s heartbeat. {It’s funny how four weeks until the next visit to the doctor can suddenly feel like four years. Not really, though. It’s four weeks of torture.}

Now, this is when things get real. And frankly, I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I feel this way. With all of the amazing things that our body do during pregnancy, the hardest part has been slowly watching my body grow in places other than where my baby is located.

I remember telling my husband, “Whenever I’m pregnant I’m always going to work out. I’ll always go to the gym with you and I’m going to make sure I eat only healthy foods.” I’d also say something along the lines of, “I don’t want to worry about what my body looks like during pregnancy. I’ll be growing our baby, why should I worry about something so stupid when it will be doing something so special?” Want to know what I didn’t know would hit me like a ton of bricks? Fatigue. {Oh, no worries, it magically disappears in the second trimester, remember? Nope. Not true.} You have no idea how hard it is to convince yourself to work out and cook healthy meals when 14 hours of sleep per day isn’t even enough. {I truly wish I was exaggerating.} And the feeling like you haven’t eaten in weeks? Oh my god. It’s scary how hungry you are. You turn into a monster that always needs to eat otherwise you’ll feel like you’re going to vomit. I was eating more than a young boy about to have a gigantic growth spurt.

Before I was pregnant, any extra weight would go right to a tiny “pooch” on my tummy and a little bit on my thighs. If I wanted to lose a couple of pounds, I’d just watch what I ate for a couple of days and I’d be good to go. I used to stand with my legs together in front of a mirror and double check that I could still see through the small gap between my thighs to make sure I wasn’t gaining weight. I knew that if I weighed myself, I would obsess over the number and drive myself crazy. But – guess what they do at the beginning of every check up? Check your weight. So many different things could go wrong at any given moment during pregnancy, yet I’m being selfish and worrying about how much I weigh? It’s sad but true.

Pre-pregnancy, I was happily hanging out around 125 pounds on a bad day. Now, at one day shy of 26 weeks into growing our little guy, I’m at 142 pounds. And that is on a good day… which doesn’t happen very often.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re rolling your eyes and telling yourself that I’m being ridiculous. But, in my defense, I’m only 5’1″. Anyone that is my height knows that any extra weight shows way quicker than on someone who is a few inches taller. {Random tidbit: my jeans stopped buttoning when I was 9 weeks pregnant – even though the uterus doesn’t even start to rise over the pubic bone until 12 weeks or so.} It felt like I was losing a battle against my body.

Fast forward quite a bit from 9 weeks to 26 weeks, and at times, it can still feel like that battle has been lost. I’ve slowly accepted that there’s nothing I can do about my changing body. It’s going to happen no matter what. My hips are going to widen, my belly is going to expand to it’s maximum capacity and my boobs are going to be unbearably large.

There are going to be moments where I hate every single change that is happening. But, what’s really incredible here, is that I’m going to be giving us a baby because of these body changes. If my body wasn’t changing and I stayed the exact same as my pre-pregnancy self, we wouldn’t be getting to meet our little guy in a few short months… and that’s not something that I want to give up. I don’t even want to think about giving it up. I don’t want to miss out on these sweet kicks I feel or even the pesky heartburn that seems to sneak up on me at night when I’m so close to falling asleep.

Sometimes, it takes us a little while to realize how lucky we are to experience pregnancy. So many women can’t experience it, and it isn’t something I want to take for granted. It took me six months to figure this out because I was so focused on what’s happening on the outside. But like everything else, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, and inside of this expanding body I’m growing a human. A human, for crying out loud. And that’s pretty damn amazing.

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One thought on “The part of pregnancy that nobody warned me about.

  1. I know just how you feel.. I used to always say how I would work out and eat healthy but everything seemed to flow out the window when I found out I was pregnant. And I didn’t even have intense morning sickness, I just hated everything! I was the same and I’m still the same, and I’ve been obsessing over how much I’m showing for 17 weeks as a FTM. I’m alarmed by the weight gain and if I’ll be able to work it off after the baby… And the most annoying thing is, if you say any little thing about your body, you get a chorus of, “You’re pregnant! Don’t talk like that” and “You’re eating for two, you have an excuse!” It’s like, no, I’m not looking for a valid excuse, I’m looking for sympathy as my body changes into something I never expected it to look like.

    Keep at it… do you’re best… if you can make a few healthy options during the day, that’s a win. I know it won’t eliminate all those feelings, but I hope it helps to know that other preggo women are feeling it too! All the best during your pregnancy!

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